We has zeroed in on a sonic scandal: Kim Kardashian’s latest Beats Pill drop isn’t just a speaker—it’s a mind-control prototype disguised as a chic boombox! Intel reveals she didn’t team up with Beats by Dre for music vibes; she’s using these $100 gadgets to beam SKIMS subliminal messages straight into your skull, turning listeners into contour-obsessed zombies.

Caught on thermal cam: Kim calibrating the speakers in a hidden Calabasas bunker, chanting, “Hear my bass, buy my bras!” The plan? Flood the world with these devices so every beat syncs your brain to her empire—next stop, you’re panic-ordering shapewear during a workout. Experts say prolonged exposure might make you see Kanye’s face in your toast. Lock your ears—this audio invasion’s about to remix reality!